To all you men now growing scruff on your faces – I’ve got bad news.
Are you thinking you now look mature, mysterious, sophisticated, even alluringly primitive?
NO! You just look scruffy, mangy, unkept, down-at-the-heel, unemployed! Older? No. Just OLD! Guys, look in that mirror you don’t use any more — it ain’t pretty. First tattoos, and now this?
Do you sorta look like George Clooney?
NO! You look like Brett Favre – out of grace and out of a job! Maybe even like an unshaven reprobate like doctor House! (… advanced apologies to the truly unemployed…)
Will you grow into a silvery Sean Connery? NO! You’d need his British accent, his blue eyes, silver tongue, and savoir-faire.
Instead, you look like the destitute hanging around the 7-11 with scruff and spikey bed hair.
Do girls want to kiss you? NO! Scratchy, scruffy, speckily. But what is women’s real anxiety? If you no longer bother to shave, well, maybe you — uh — don’t bother to bath?
Women have not yet come to grips with tattoos. But take heart, girls, when their sociability returns, they can wear long sleeves and at least shave off their stubble to take back their real identity – the guy you dated/married.
Why is this happening? Is it an Armageddon preoccupation? A religious conversion? Fighting wife for the bathroom sink? As men scruff up, women are taking more off. Sleeveless cocktail dresses, bare skin, more exposed, while the guys are covering up. Go figure.
Patricia Moloney Dugas